Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
