Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
