Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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