So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
