Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just cut my nipple shaving
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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