i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My feet surprised me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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