Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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