i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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