She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
