I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
