mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
