I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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