There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
