he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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