He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
