glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
