Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize