At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
