I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
