Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
