Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
