dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
