oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
