I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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