sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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