How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
