The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
