just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
