Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
