You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
