So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
