you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
