The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
