dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
