I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
