They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
