I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
