Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
