Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You can't special order awesome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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