I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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