fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
