I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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