She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
