why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
