Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
