anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
