the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
