found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
