Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
