I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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