My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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