maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
